you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
