we have pet lesbian snakes
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
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