69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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