You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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