Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
