it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
