anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
