I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
