Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
