Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i think i just lost a toe
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