im drinking this country out of the recession.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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