That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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