i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
