Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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