Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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