Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
