she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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