I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
