I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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