So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
