pedialite and red bull = repair kit
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
