I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If I die, sorry about rent.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
