sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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