I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
