happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
