I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
