apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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