i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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