Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
