Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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