it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
