I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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