is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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