Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
