i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
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still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
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I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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