I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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