I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
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You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
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We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
ok first of all what the fuck
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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