His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
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Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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