So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
