In the future we'll all be gay
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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