yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
