I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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