the condom got lost in my hair
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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