rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
