I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
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You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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