dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
