I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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