There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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