His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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