I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
