bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
