I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
