conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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