so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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