i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
