sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
