New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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