and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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