Just mADE A PArabola og urine
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
